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幽默:美国晚间脱口秀笑话一周精选

时间:2018-02-14 05:12来源:折折券转摘自网络 作者:折折券 点击:
事实证明,已经下台一鞠躬的人还是老老实实的好,不要随便放话。不然小心被人翻旧账。本周切尼在媒体面前说了几句话,于是让自己成功的成为了脱口秀主持人的靶子 。 "Dick Cheney, the former vice president, said that President Obama went too far wit

  事实证明,已经下台一鞠躬的人还是老老实实的好,不要随便放话。不然小心被人翻旧账。本周切尼在媒体面前说了几句话,于是让自己成功的成为了脱口秀主持人的靶子

  "Dick Cheney, the former vice president, said that President Obama went too far with the jokes at the correspondents' dinner. By too far, does Cheney mean like waterboarding a guy 183 times?" --David Letterman
    前副总统迪克·切尼说奥巴马总统在白宫记者协会晚宴上开的笑话有点过头。说到过头,切尼的意思是不是像给一个人坐水凳坐183次那种的?——大卫·莱特曼

  "Barack Obama said that his Administration will not release the photographs of detainee abuse. Not because they don't want to, but because they can't get the password for Dick Cheney's camera phone." --Jimmy Fallon
    巴拉克·奥巴马说他的政府将不会发布虐囚的照片。不是因为他们不想,只是因为他们拿不到迪克·切尼拍照手机的密码。——吉米·法伦

  "Dick Cheney was on the news this week, and he said that it would be a mistake for the Republicans to moderate their policies. He said they should remain true to their core principles: gay bashing, war profiteering and torture." --Bill Maher
    迪克·切尼这周上新闻了,他说共和党人弱化他们的政策是个错误,他说他们应该保持他们的核心原则:反对同性恋、发战争财和虐囚。——比尔·马歇

  "Sarah Palin has got a deal to write her memoir. Got a deal to writeher memoir, yup. I believe it's titled, 'The Book to Nowhere.'" --DavidLetterman

  莎拉·佩林已经得到写传记的合约了,嗯,可以写传记了,我相信书名已经定了,“哪都去不了的书”。——大卫·莱特曼

  "Donald Trump came to the defense of Miss California, Carrie Prejean,despite her opposition to same-sex marriage. Trump then said he personally believes that marriage is a sacred institution between a manand a series of progressively younger women." --Jimmy Kimmel

  尽管加州小姐卡莉·普乐金反对同性婚姻,唐纳德·特朗普还是为这位小姐辩护了。然后特朗普说,他个人相信婚姻是在一个男人和一连串积极进取的年轻女人之间的神圣制度。——吉米·卡莫

  看真人秀《学徒》(又名飞黄腾达)的人应该都知道唐纳德·特朗普,他是这次选美活动的主办方,因此他发话还是很有分量的。而这位卡莉·普乐金此前曾因半裸照事件以及反对同性婚姻的言论一度被取消加州小姐桂冠。

  "Last night, President Obama hosted a poetry slam at the White House. A poetry slam is when poets stand up and read poems. They try and outdo each other. And things can get out of control. Apparently, last night, one person got up on stage and rambled on and on and didn't make any sense. And then, when Joe Biden was done, they started the poetry." --Craig Ferguson

  昨晚,奥巴马总统在白宫主持了一场诗歌会。诗歌会就是诗人们站起来读诗。他们拼命想超过别人。场面很容易失控的。很明显,昨晚一个人站在台前一直闲晃没说什么有意义的话,然后,当乔·拜登说完了,他们开始读诗了。——克莱格·弗格森

  "Well, here's what I've heard from Washington. The Republicans are downhearted. They're disenchanted and they're worried now, the Republicans, because they're out of office, they're out of power. The Republicans are worried that the image of the Republican Party is downbeat and angry. And I was thinking, well if you ask me, honestly, all the fun went out of the Republican Party when Arlen Specter left. Are you like me, do you kind of feel, all right, the party's over! … Yeah, so the Republicans are angry. And I was thinking, well you know, the time to get angry might have been eight years ago, but that didn't happen." --David Letterman

  呃,这是我从华盛顿听来的消息。共和党人都很无精打采。他们不再抱有幻想了,现在很忧虑,这些共和党人,因为他们下台了,他们没有权力了。共和党人担心他们党派的形象下降了,他们很愤怒。那会我就在想,要是你问我的话,咱们说老实话,在阿伦·斯派克特离开共和党那会他们才好玩哪。你有没有像我一样,有没有这种感觉?好吧,这个政党玩儿完了!……是吧,所以,共和党人很生气,然后我就在想,大家都知道嘛,八年前就应该生气了,但是没有。——大卫·莱特曼

  "You all have a happy Mother's Day? I thought this was nice. John Edwards told his wife, 'Of all the women I have children with, I'm going to spend today with you.'" --Jay Leno

  你们都过了一个开心的母亲节吗?那太好了,约翰·爱德华兹跟他老婆说,“在所有跟我生过孩子的女人中,今天我要和你一起过。”——杰·雷诺

"Governor Schwarzenegger says he is trying to get marijuana legalized here in the California. He wants to legalize it. Yeah. Yeah. I believe his campaign slogan is 'Change We Can Breathe In.'" --Jay Leno

  施瓦辛格州长说,他正在努力让大麻在加州合法化。他想让大麻合法。对啊对啊,我相信他的竞选口号是“改变我们能吸入的一切。”——杰·雷诺

  "California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to legalize marijuana. Good slogan he has — 'Yes, we cannabis.'" --Jay Leno

  加州州长阿诺·施瓦辛格希望让大麻合法化,他有一个很好的口号——“是的,我们印度大麻。”——杰·雷诺

  "Louis Caldera, the White House aide who authorized the controversial photograph of Air Force One over lower Manhattan, resigned on Friday. May I suggest that they replace him with Photoshop?" --Seth Meyers

  路易斯·卡尔德拉,就是空军一号低空飞过曼哈顿事件的白宫责任人,周五辞职了,我可以建议他们用photoshop来代替他吗?——赛斯·梅耶

  "President Obama announced today plans to either trim or eliminate 121 programs. The programs he wants to eliminate -- Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly." --Jay Leno

  奥巴马总统今天宣布计划取消或缩减121项开支计划。他想取消的有——Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh和Bill O'Reilly。——杰·雷诺

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